Here are some fragments – unapologetically ugly but real – from my experience of being in love.
Thinking of saying something provoking to get attention.
Not doing it because it would cause an upset.
Stalking potential romantic rivals on the Facebook “friends” list.
Walking home alone after work through the dim park and imagining a big warm hand in mine.
Looking at photos, repeatedly.
Feeling second-hand happiness at someone else’s happiness.
Feeling second-hand distress at someone else’s distress.
An equal dose of misty-eyed future-life fantasy mixed with irritation at the lack of a savings plan.
Hours of pointless, torturous questions about what the definable quality of love is.
Wanting to lose weight.
Waves – tsunamis – of lust and physical yearning.
Endlessly scrolling through whatsapp conversations to relive the best bits.
Dependance, and –
Hating being dependent.
Wanting to be a better and worthier person.